(a photo where you can't see my 'chin dimple')
I started this blog when I was thirteen because I loved fashion. Fashion was a big part of my life, I lived for watching Alexander McQueen's shows on YouTube- even though I wore h&m basic clothes. The fashion world is a strange world, and it's a world I now feel so detached from. When I was thirteen I didn't have Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and I was oblivious to this world of social media- which is a significant proportion of the current fashion world, right?
For me, fashion has always been about self expression and I still love that about it. But now I have developed this critical viewpoint of the industry due to my own insecurities. I got Instagram and Facebook and suddenly I felt this need to impress others. My self gratification came from receiving
compliments from others, for surpassing 30 likes on Instagram.
Then I'd be having identity crisis, wanting to follow the crowd; then wanting to stand out. I saw the faults in such a rigid industry, not the fun. Fashion fuels the fire of my insecurities. I'd be scrolling on Instagram and it would be filled with photos of stick thin models and expensive couture. I had never had a problem with my weight until last year, and I can honestly say I think it's because of social media. I'm not fat at all, but my thighs touch and I don't see that in the fashion industry.
When I was taking this webcam photo, I noticed I have dimples on my chin when I smile. Suddenly I found myself googling "models with chin dimples." Then discovering Lyndsey Wixson has a chin dimple and feeling relieved because someone whose job it is to look good has a chin dimple. Like what the fuck? How can the opinion I have of myself be altered by such a stupid, petty thing?
I am on a journey of self acceptance and I'm finding love for myself. I'm ridding myself of the negativity I have developed in the past few years from trying to be someone I'm not.
Because as Justin Bieber says:
You should go and love yourself.
(never thought I would be quoting JB on here)